Russell, Jack and I had our injections for the India trip before we left New York. Nik declined jabs on account of his impenetrable immune system – though, as Russ pointed out, we lose Nik for monthly periods throughout the year when he’s knocked for six by such debilitating illnesses as the common cold. Anyhow, in the current climate of our every movement and spoken word being recorded for the documentary and website, it was decided (by Nik, now I come to think of it) that this ordeal should be filmed.
Prior to the jabs the doctor required us to fill out a form before he could write a prescription for Maleria pills. Part of this included a section of ailments and diseases that we should tick if applicable. There were the usual suspects, “chest pains, asthma” etc – but also some baffling symptoms that I found more tricky to respond to. “Decreased life enjoyment” – that’s hard to measure. Since this morning? No. Has my zest for life diminished since the euphoric innocence of childhood? Almost certainly. The form also read, “Thoughts of death” – what, ever? Well, when I was 7 my friend’s pet dog was run over and I did fleetingly ponder, what happens to us when we die? You did? Right, you can forget the maleria pills, it’s off to the asylum for you, you morbid pervert.
I don’t mind admitting that I do not relish injections. I come over all delicate and effete and am convinced that I’ll faint and embarrass myself further. Jack “Edward Camera Hands” Bayles was also having jabs so Suzi filmed the event. We decided that the actual incision of needles was a private matter between doctor and patient and should not be filmed, especially as two of the four were in our naked bottoms. This code of ethics was respectfully honoured by Suzi throughout Jack’s time in the bathroom and did give me a wave of reassurance as I prepared for my dreaded moment.
So, my turn then. Bless the doctor, he was aware of my anxiety and attempted a technique with me that I imagine is normally reserved for the under fives. “Count to three” he said and no sooner had I uttered “one” than the first injection was over. Phew. “I’ll be OK now”, I thought, “this system is full-proof! You’ve met your match, Mr Needle.” My new-found confidence even punched its way through the awkward arse show for the final two jabs and just as I prepared to reflect on a triumphant shame-free set of injections I heard juvenile sniggering from the living room, looked up and realised that Suzi was filming me through the crack (in the bathroom door, not my botty, you sickos) – “Nik, Jack, you bastards! Ouch – I didn’t count to three!”
Aaaaargh I hate needles…. you’re a vewwy bwave little boy
did you ever get a needle in the gum…………..that full-proof system doesn’t work!!!!
Yay for the blogs! I don’t know if it’s just me but after I read these little insights, my eyes go all funny. Like, there’s black and white lines wherever I look around, for about a minute! I doubt it is doing my eyesight any good but it’s a chance i’ll take! How’s that for dedication?
Be Happy All,
Vic x
Hilarious!
RFLMAO!!!!!
FUnny Alfie, bless you darling.
funny as!! love your stuff :o) love you!!! add me at twitter (as aboves name) :o)
Suck it up and live a little!
i hate the doctor’s inoculation preamble. i know its to make sure the pills they give you dont make you go doolally, but it’s just enough to remind you of your mental misgivings.
- “do you think about death?”
- “well yes, daily … not like that. im not suicidal or anything. just, you know? … sorry did i answer that wrong can i do it again? … give me the malaria pills!”
So funny! I reckon you should write a book… bestseller in the making!
malAria
sorry to pick you up on that…
x
…………… i don’t think Sophie’s that sorry..
;)
it’s only a wee little needle…and you boys looks so strong
I must give 100 injections a day and you don’t hear the puppies and kittens crying it could be that I am master needle sticker of the universe and use my powers of distraction so that you are too busy senseing things everywhere to notice where the needle went and before you know it it’s over.
and most nurses give much better injections than doctors…because they do them more…and it is there job to care..well it should be..
what is this about India?????
do tell
I like you, sir.
You had to know that “your” jab would make it’s way on camera !
I’ve had the India needles…the trip was worth every tiny invasion.