Russell, Jack and I had our injections for the India trip before we left New York. Nik declined jabs on account of his impenetrable immune system – though, as Russ pointed out, we lose Nik for monthly periods throughout the year when he’s knocked for six by such debilitating illnesses as the common cold. Anyhow, in the current climate of our every movement and spoken word being recorded for the documentary and website, it was decided (by Nik, now I come to think of it) that this ordeal should be filmed.
Prior to the jabs the doctor required us to fill out a form before he could write a prescription for Maleria pills. Part of this included a section of ailments and diseases that we should tick if applicable. There were the usual suspects, “chest pains, asthma” etc – but also some baffling symptoms that I found more tricky to respond to. “Decreased life enjoyment” – that’s hard to measure. Since this morning? No. Has my zest for life diminished since the euphoric innocence of childhood? Almost certainly. The form also read, “Thoughts of death” – what, ever? Well, when I was 7 my friend’s pet dog was run over and I did fleetingly ponder, what happens to us when we die? You did? Right, you can forget the maleria pills, it’s off to the asylum for you, you morbid pervert.
I don’t mind admitting that I do not relish injections. I come over all delicate and effete and am convinced that I’ll faint and embarrass myself further. Jack “Edward Camera Hands” Bayles was also having jabs so Suzi filmed the event. We decided that the actual incision of needles was a private matter between doctor and patient and should not be filmed, especially as two of the four were in our naked bottoms. This code of ethics was respectfully honoured by Suzi throughout Jack’s time in the bathroom and did give me a wave of reassurance as I prepared for my dreaded moment.
So, my turn then. Bless the doctor, he was aware of my anxiety and attempted a technique with me that I imagine is normally reserved for the under fives. “Count to three” he said and no sooner had I uttered “one” than the first injection was over. Phew. “I’ll be OK now”, I thought, “this system is full-proof! You’ve met your match, Mr Needle.” My new-found confidence even punched its way through the awkward arse show for the final two jabs and just as I prepared to reflect on a triumphant shame-free set of injections I heard juvenile sniggering from the living room, looked up and realised that Suzi was filming me through the crack (in the bathroom door, not my botty, you sickos) – “Nik, Jack, you bastards! Ouch – I didn’t count to three!”
Come back home and stop buggering about in foreign lands.
YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU
-x-
When will we see this documentary? I have a newly found interest in looking at your bare bottom? (‘cited)
I’ve been to India, spent my gap year there, :D it’s truly amazing. But yes, the injections certainly did suck and remembering to take the tablets was tricky…hope you have a wonderful time and keep us posted :).
Well done, Gareth! (I’ve fainted twice when faced with needles… though they were usually SUCKING MY BLOOD out through a tube… awful things.)
Bully job on the writing as well.
Argh. What about teeth pulling? That’s the worst… Needle goes in your gums at least 4 times… Why the hell didn’t I get some laughing gas? Oh, the agony. x
Hmm, the 1-2-3 trick is o.k, but when I took my newborn in last October for his first set of immunizations our Dr. suggested breastfeeding…perhaps next time?
Gareth: Do you still carry Vicks Vaporub with you everywhere you go ;)
Love the blog!
sorry to here you dont like shots. to me they really do suck, but to get them in the tushy ouch, ouch, ouch. hope you all are ok, and have a safe trip back to melbourne. god be with you all, xxoxxo
I used to be terrified of needles when i was a kid. I’m surprised the “counting to three” thing worked. never did for me. eventually i got over the fear of needles because i had to have surgery on my throat (tonsils removed.)
every half hour some nurse was coming in to the poke at me with a needle, to feed me some drug through a syringe, and to take blood. not fun at all.
thanks for the blog! Hilarious! I needed a good laugh today! :)
sad/funny that the filmed you. hehehe! *all in good fun, right?!*
Good luck with filming in India! Safe travels! Be safe and enjoy yourselves!
Keep up with hard work! lots of love to “Team Russell!”
We both have a fear of needles . Maddy says: but i clearly remeber a time when i was only little about 5 years old and my mum took me to the doctor to get one. Sitting scaredly on the nurses lap, as she rolled my sleeve up i lept for my life off her knee and ran, i’d never ran so fast in my life. Mum shouting at the top of her lungs chasing after me around the car park.
Molly says:hehe
love M & M
x
I have to have blood taking very month and now there is a very little hole make so needles yuk. have you notices how needles are spelled has need in it how funny or just plan sick is that !!! lol
i just watched your interview with Dawn French, for about the 10th time. that was probably the best interview you ever did. you should post it on your bloggy blog.
So did any of you suffer the horrible malaria-preventative-induced nightmares I’ve heard about from tropical ornithologists?
too funny, gareth! one would suppose nihilists would be automatically excluded from shots on this basis- thoughts of death, destruction, the ephemeral nature of life in general and the like would be pretty common for them, wouldn’t they? what about followers of Kali? guess they can’t have the shots either. does give one pause, doesn’t it? that would mean that only those with an unnaturally sunny nature may be kept malaria-free. not sure i could stomach a whole country stuffed with them (that’s american stuffed, not english! watch that language! or not.).
Hey! When are you coming back to New York??