By Producer Jack
And so our latest foray in the land of plenty came to a close, and whilst we have cherished the opportunity I have to admit there is relief with the absence of abundance. Somehow back in London I am again in the comfort of the journey rather than the confusing final destination that is Hollywood.
During our latest trip, much to the dismay of Russell I revealed my half-baked future plan for a vegetarian pie shop brilliantly (I alone think) called ‘Jack’s Meatless Pies’. Whilst this is a genuine ambition, I think the announcement came partly out of an innate resistance to our lavish surroundings. Not that this is any slight on our ambition; it’s just that Hollywood can sometimes be very blatant in its belief that happiness is financial.
Fitting then that this last trip should conclude with an Independence Day white themed party hosted by Puff Daddy at the biggest plot of real estate in Los Angeles. I wonder what our simian ancestors would have made of such a humble do? “Well I guess now we’re warm and fed, and you my missus are impregnated – why not us invest in a completely new and pointless outfit we’ll literally wear once?”
Please don’t for a minute think I am not grateful for such mind-boggling opportunities because of course I am. It’s just that I wonder if the aspiration for such riches, the drive to achieve them is actually a more solid foundation than the accomplishment.
Prior to the party there was debate in the camp over attendance, all of us nervous and excited in equal amounts. The decision was finally made when Russell arrived home with an outfit of such glory that had the suit itself not been present then gossip columns the world over would have buzzed at the no show. Also, Russell ‘Black’ Brand in all white? That’s comparable to Dylan going electric. Sort of.
Once the decision was made there was the kind of excitement you get when everyone properly commits to a fancy dress. I assume the white theme is intended to inject prestige and glamour into the event, which it certainly achieved with the ladies. For the gentlemen unfortunately it almost has a reverse affect acting as a leveller – like a compulsory hip hop school uniform.
Having mentioned the party since, it seems people are most interested in the other attendees. Understandable. But, to be quite honest I was so taken with the revolving dance floor and free Sean Combs endorsed vodka that I barely spoke to anyone. Apart from this bald guy who told me he once lived in Kent, that I later found out was Billy Zane. Lovely chap, although I still wonder about the cream cake he held throughout our chat that neither of us referenced.
I also had a brief exchange with someone I later found out to be model Amber Rose. Foolishly I thought her shaven head and alien beauty were recognisable only by me, and not her current squeeze Kanye West. Somehow when you haven’t got a clue who someone is, you unintentionally maintain a carefree attitude that you’d clumsily kick over if you were aware of their stature. Unfortunately I didn’t quite get to the meatless pie plan, which I’m sure would have been a clincher.
Back on the dance floor Puff remained on the microphone almost constantly – part rapping, part weirdly commentating on the party. At times I had flashes of street corners in Bedford Stuy with Biggie – hands in the air goose bump stuff, at other times it was like a local mobile dj rambling over a cherished wedding.
Ultimately though, you have to give it to him, he knows how to throw a party and clearly he doesn’t mind spreading his wealth. Which if you have it is surely the best thing that you can do. Now that I have commended him perhaps there will be an American franchise to ‘Jack’s Meatless Pies’ that we can call ‘Puff’s Pastries.’
We ask where Matt is all the time..yet we get no answer, maybe they are hiding something from us?
It would make your fans amazingly happy to have Matt Morgan back, because we miss him A LOT! or even just an answer telling us what he is doing…please?
xxx
Jack..I love that the wildness of LA
didn’t sink into your soul
and for sure when you don’t know who you;’re talking to
you are a little more open and relaxed than thinking
“oh my god this is so and so..do I sound silly?”
instead of Hi I’m Jack, pleased to meet you,
and not making a big stink out of it..
Afterall we are just people..
we are born, live and die,
and it is more important the kind of person we are
then the amount of money in our pockets..
money may buy things but it certainly can not buy love and respect.
Thanks for sharing about the party and the whole LA scene..
as for Matt…after all these months..if Matt wanted to be part of the Russell in the USA then he would have shown up on the radar, or Russell would have said something…Matt obviously is doing his own thing , or maybe they aren’t talking and it is painful for Russell to talk about it..
i never comment but wanted to quickly say that you are a beautiful writer. i like your slant on the world.
excellent post, we didn’t miss much, except Russ. xx
Where’s Matt? Scrape him out of Rusty’s cold shadow
Excellent musings!
I thought “Puffy Pies” but “Puff’s Pastries” is better : ) .
Have you tried the pumpkin and goats’ cheese pie at The Lock Tavern, Chalk Farm? Very nice and a good quality preamble to finding your final recipe. Unless you’ve already done that. However, they appear to microwave the peas which is a real sad thing.
x
Ha ha jack i’am here sitting in my flower power dress wondering where the sun has gone. It was carnival today and we got drenched. My friend Emma has now just informed me that the goat curry that I can smell in her kitchen is russells goats that she slaughtered yesterday. She doesn’t like to waste anything so she used the blood in a sex ritual last night while it was still warm. I am shocked and horrified so she has made me a vegan curry instead.
Dear Jack,
Don’t leave your pie-in-the-sky dreams half-baked!
You seem like a really sweet guy, and I am sure all good things will come your way. I am happy to bake some of my own”meatless pies” and ship them wherever you are when you come back to NYC.
I really am having fun being a rustyrockets fan and my friend love the silly comments I send the main Brand… Humor is a real gift to all. Thank you for helping RB make us laugh! Many blessing and may all your dreams come true!
Jack’s Meatless Pies sounds brilliant! Yum-Count me in…
Hehe pie …. Sorry that always makes me laugh! Good to see you’re all enjoying yourselves, but I have to ask (after seeing puff on a few interviews with conan and Jimmy Fallon)…. Is this guy for real? I can’t work hm out, or take hm seriously at all!!! :oS
Jack is one cool cat. I like your lovely ponderings Jack. Please don’t stop posting, you’re beginning to gain a cult following of girls who will no doubt happily volunteer themselves to be your sex objects. – if you like those sorts of girls.. I’d like to talk with you about some intellectual topics, maybe dance about a bit, stare at the stars, then see what happens ??
I’m dying to see England
what does effulgent mean on your news letter?
Freaking AWESOME, Producer Jack!! Lovely piece of work — AND I like the vegetarian pies idea — and my global self knows that you refer to what we more often refer to as a tart or pastry in the USA.
Jack,
if the pie idea takes off, I make a suggestion: red thai curry, choc full of slippery capsicum, maybe some heavy eggplant. crispy and hot. no raisins, though, curry is no place for the humble sultana, they don’t rule my spicy dish. Ooooh now i’m hungry.
I hope coming home was like drinking too much coffee; your heart racing and everything shiny on the edges, everyone happy to show warmth. like a soft blanket. aaaaaand… sleep.
xT
Puff’s Pastries made with Diddy Dough, keep your money in your pocket and hand me your soul…
Sorry, too much coffee this morning. I think most people (even LA people) would feel the same way at this party, but you Brits just know how to use all them words so much gooder!
I love you for your brilliance in this article. But you had Billy Zane’s lips right in front of you and all you could think about was…the cream cake??? Unacceptable.