by Russell Brand
Should Racists be allowed on Question Time? This seems to be the question plaguing our nation from where I’m standing across the sea -where everyone is a potential immigrant. I think the answer is “yes” – as long as it’s Gardeners’ Question Time; I’d like to hear BNP Arkala Nick Griffin fuming at a Dahlia on account of it’s hue or provenance- “Bloody flowers- growing over here- stealing our bees.”
I suppose if you’re of the view that extremists are fundamentally (and God knows they love a bit of fundamentalism) wrong then there’s no harm in popping them on the telly and letting them gurgle up their chuckle brained hate-broth – the more people who witness Nick Griffin equivocate on myopic loathing the better it is. He’s a daft sod so there’s no risk of him turning up on Question Time and being so dashed magnetic and persuasive that Dickie Dimbleby slips under the table to issue a worshipful Saxon nosh-job.
He’ll just prattle on in a vague way about borders and division when quite obviously, spiritually and physically we are one. We have 30 percent identical DNA to Bananas, 60 percent identical to Earth worms and 98 percent identical to chimpanzees, how different then can we be from each other?
When I was a junkie (sorry, did I ever mention that?) I once hung out with BNP berk protégé Mark Collett who at that time was leader of the young BNP – suggested slogan “Why let your youth and innocence prevent you loathing others for being slightly different? Join the young BNP”
How bloody young? Can we encourage newborn Caucasian babies to recoil from non-white medics? To enact an oily clamber into the Aryan sanctity of the womb if they encounter pigmental variation amidst the howls and placenta? Perhaps we should post jingoistic pamphlets into the vaginas of expectant mothers for foetuses to devour – like the recent BNP ones that reapproppriate the image of Churchill and war heroes to promote racial purity.
Or ought I pre-empt even gestation and ask Nick Griffin to whisper sweet, malicious nothings into my nutbag each morning to turn me sperms suspicious before they make the Windrush into a potentially liberal ovum – “in fact Nick, while you’re down there…”
Although Nick wouldn’t be up for any of that as the ol’ gays are despised by him and his grey drizzle of a recently outed army – 12,000 British BNP members, maximum – of whom only one in eight are female, so should they achieve utopia they’re going to have to get a lot more liberal on the “same sex” liaison front.
I, as alluded, whilst a befuddled lad made a film with Mark Collett – I say “with”- it was more an expose than a collaboration, we weren’t the Coen brothers, I was a heroin addict and he was a racist (part 1 http://tinyurl.com/r8ngs6 and indeed part 2 http://tinyurl.com/yju7jxc and finally part 3 http://tinyurl.com/yk5ngl2 ) during the film Mark, who is now head of BNP public relations, delightedly referred to homosexuals as “AIDS monkeys”. Perhaps you didn’t get that so I’ll repeat it – the man who is HEAD OF BNP PR referred to gay folk as AIDS monkeys, I fancy then, with this in mind, that we, the right thinking people of Earth are on relatively safe ground when it comes to the “war of words” with televised bigots.
Presumably Griffin and Collett will have some manner of consultation before QT where they’ll discuss strategy.
Griffin: Right, Mark this is a great opportunity for the party to make an impact – how are you getting on with the slogans?
Collett: Rather well actually. “Is Brown getting you down? Both the politician and the skin colour? Vote BNP.”
Griffin: Great. It rhymes and will make me seem damned sophisticated – the audience, by which I mean the white heterosexual audience, will love it. Anything on the woofters?
Collett: Yep – call ‘em Aids monkeys – break a leg.
I think the BBC are right to grant a forum to nit wits, Lord alone knows I’ve said some silly things on the Corporation’s dime (Did they mention it?) and I have great confidence in the ability of British people to recognise prats peddling rhubarb and that’s what the BNP are. Right-wing views can be seductive and toxic in troubled times when astutely rendered by Machiavels but belched out by that tit Griffin I’m sure it’ll just be an amusing bit of irrelevant TV.
Originally published in The Sun. Russell donated his fee for writing this article to The London Gypsy Traveller Unit
Just superb Russell!!! I loved the part about the flowers! You make us proud!
btw is that the re:brand? i saw that one. you couldn’t keep your mouth shut five seconds could ya? that guy was well mad at you! which is funny cause like, even a junkie made more sense than him.
I think I could love you Russell a lot more if I could just undestand what your saying – I have to translate every second word.. not literally, anyways..
You’re so good at writing!! And just so you know, you have some loyal admirers in Estonia ;)
luvz!!*
Russell, come home immediately, march into Downing Street, tell old Gordy-pants to sling his hook and take your rightful place in number ten to run the country goddammit.
Russell Brand for President of the World!
I couldn’t agree more, a great piece of wordsmithery :o)
” We have 30 percent identical DNA to Bananas, 60 percent identical to Earth worms and 98 percent identical to chimpanzees, how different then can we be from each other? ”
I use your line all the time! The head of some Canadian oil company lobby came into my bank the other day in Ottawa. His justification for developing the disgusting oil sands in western Canada hinged on the the sentiment that people would rather the oil money went to Canadians, than to some Arab nation”
Why don’t you release Re:Brand? I downloaded the whole thing a while ago, but I’d buy it anyway.
Applause..can you hear it across the sea ?
I love the way you write
When I first saw ‘Nazi Boy’ I thought “WTF?”
but after watching it I realized
you could get anyone to open up to you
that there is something about your energy( even messed up)
that shines, and sparkles and puts people at ease,
(ok once some of the straight laced ones relax about how you appear :) )
As for people who hate, I have no room in my life for them
and turn away from them and give them no energy
and I agree that most people who see them would just see how daft they are, especially next to people who are excepting and loving, BUT there are alot of lost souls who are too busy being pissed about thier lot in life
and find it easier to blame others instead of seeing that each of us is respondsible for our own lives. I’ve watched the KKK on some TV shows in the USA and as much as I see how messed up they are, seeing the children they are filling up with thier beliefs saddens and scares me at the same time. Truly, how do we stop it? How do we reach the children?
Because they hold the answers for tomorrow
Russell
you rock
you roll
you are light
you are soul
watching your dance
has lit a fire in my soul
so thankyou
for being you
keep danceing
keep laughing
and I’ll catch you
on the rainbow
peace friend
reply to Scotlandthebrave
WOW !! why do you come here?
this is his site! to share what he’s up to
and truly we all have free will..but as the saying goes…
“if you have nothing nice to say…say nothing at all”
brilliantly said, Russell… though, i have to admit, i was somewhat disturbed by the images that appeared in my mind whilst reading the bit about posting “jingoistic pamphlets into the vaginas of expectant mothers for foetuses to devour”. anyway…
i am always astounded by how full-stop against listening to new ideas some people are. how can you persuade them open their mind to change or to listen to opposing ideas without a facial expression that can only be described as “skeptical”?
and i wouldn’t exactly say that they are “fundamentally wrong” — of course they are entitled to their opinions — but how can racism (and other such “-isms”) be right?!
Well said Russell…
Thank You…
Love & Light x
Let everyone do what they want! Isn’t that what freedom’s about? But if they harm anyone in the process we shall tell them to eff right off! The BNP will be their own downfall!
While I am not from the U.K. and I do not have great expertise in your political arena, it is still pretty clear to see that the BNP is quite a silly little party. I agree that it is not a big deal to allow them a forum to spew their hatred. Most people should be logical enough to understand that what they propose is dribble, and just change the channel instead of listening to their nonsense.
YOU ARE A LEGEND ! F**K THE BNP :D X
Well done Russell, excellently put. And anyone who can produce such an entertaining program about the BNP while addicted to that heroin stuff definitely deserves more TV work :D